Critics: I really am fearful of criticism. I went through extraordinarily, high-pressure criticism when I was in acting school (I know, that was another life -- I'll talk about that later -- or maybe never). I handled the terrifying presence of a six foot five inch director doing his best to humiliate me -- but that was acting. My writing is quite another story. My writing really is like... my soul in code. I made choices with Dark Corner that I knew very well were not the ones I should make -- I think I said this before -- but I just couldn't choose a word that would be in the vocabulary of a typical seventh-grader when I had at my disposal a word that fit perfectly. I did not write for my intended audience as much as I wrote for the story itself. I simply had to serve the story, and if that means a kid has to highlight a word on his tablet and look it up, then so be it! I made decisions that leave me open to criticism, nevertheless I want to hear good things. That goes back to my perpetual immaturity; I want to live in a world of lollipops and rainbows.
The Adventures of Robin Wingfield (Volume 2): If I keep thinking about marketing, self-publishing, and critics, then when will I write the next novel? I've been spending precious hours of my life trying to figure out how to get people to read Dark Corner. I could have written several chapters by now. Maybe I won't even publish it, but the story is there (at least the outline) and I think Robin deserves to move on from Dark Corner. Perhaps I'll never have even a hundred readers, but my son and daughter will have the whole story. Priorities?
Why do I feel compelled to publish this series? I think the answer is the same reason that I wanted to be an actor at some point. I do want attention. I crave an audience. I love to express my thoughts and opinions. And yet -- and here is the contradiction -- I am about as introverted as a person can be. I find other people absolutely terrifying, yet want their admiration and attention. I often have a low opinion of myself, yet I think I am smarter than many of the extroverts I know who are mired in social muck. Daniel Radcliffe was quoted as saying that fame is "ghastly" (so British, so cute) and I think he's probably right, but part of me would like to give it a try.
Why do I feel compelled to write this series? Herein lies a mystery of my life. I have no idea why I need to write about Robin. I'm sure years of psychoanalysis could tease it out.
Stay tuned for List #2 Whining and LIst #3 Appreciating